Tag Archives: writing

“I wonder if you can”

This week’s artist’s way lesson has taken a turn for the worst!
Every morning, since the beginning of this adventure, I have started, almost, each and every day with the stream of conscious writing known as “The Morning Pages.” For whatever reason, when I write my to do list, at the top is always MAP. At first, I wasn’t even aware I was doing it. Then one day I realized with stunning clarity why my subconscious brain had done it. Morning Pages equated to MAP,  for this is exactly what morning pages do. They sort of map out the frequencies of your brain, so you can fine tune the radio station to the music of the day. Sorry for the metaphor, I’m just weird like that.

 

This week. This week though. *sigh*

This week, I must incorporate the Night pages.

Now, I am to ask myself what it is that I want. What is the free-flowing river of consciousness streaming at the close of each day. It is a moment to reflect. It is a moment to vent. It is a moment to once more check-in with that little inner artist and say, “Baby girl, tell me what you need.”

 

The trouble is… this is it. This is my night pages for the evening. The dogs are settled in, snuggled as close as they can possibly get without me swatting them away for being a hinderance to my typing. The room is cleaned from my earlier morning activities. My sketchbook is waiting for me, perched upon a box of markers and a box of pencils.  There is also the orbiting thought I had moments before coming inside from my cigarette break and the moonlit back yard. This is it. This is my life.

I wouldn’t want it another way. Sure I wish my room was a little bigger. Absolutely, I wish that there was someone other than two dogs nestling in beside me. Sure, I want this, and I’m praying for that. Yet, for the first time in my life–the first time ever publicly stated–I am at the most blissful state of human intelligence and inner peace. I am home.

I may have dreams that seem far-fetched or not worth believing. I may be the dreamer with her head in the clouds. It doesn’t matter. Hey, Mr. Lennon, I’m not the only one, right?

In the end, it doesn’t matter what you believe or don’t believe. In the end, all that matters is what dream you chose to wake up inside of.

Peace and Love,

Kris

Imagine Peace

 

 

 


“Bruises fade father, but the pain remains the same” ~Christina Aguilera

As part of my reading deprivation, I’ve been listening to music. I’ve danced around the house, cleaning to Katy Perry and writing with the aid of Meditation music. My musical taste is ecclectic to say the least. As part of the excercise, reading deprivation aims to connect us to our own voice. When I listen to music, I do hear the other voice singing in my ear. I can hear the artist. Sometimes what the artist has to say is so powerful, so beautiful, so painful even, so true. I can’t explain why this song means so much to me, to do so woud be to unravel one of the biggest mysteries in my ongoing investigation of my life. But i am okay.

 

If you ever thought Child Abuse was something to take lightly. I can assure you. You are wrong.


“…and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition…”~ Steve Jobs

I’ve been feeling a little… a little… trumuanized. One of my favorite Jim Carey films of all time is the Truman Show. Sometimes I wonder if on the otherside of the sky i’m looking into there’s not some grand creator hiding behind it, filming everything I do, influencing everyone I meet. This week has completely been a crazy ride in the life of Kristen. It has been strange as anything and it all started because of this week’s task: Reading Deprivation.

At first I thought nothing of it. No books no problem. No facebook? Well, It was about time i took a little vacation from the social networking world. At first it seemed like cake. But then it happened.

There was nothing to distract me from the one thing that had been glaring at me the entire time. She snarled and reared her ugly head. I could not escape into the African jungle with Barbara Kingsolver and the Price girls. I could not lose myself to the pages of my literary magazines, paging through them to see what kind of place I should be heading with my writing. I could not steal a glimpse at a friend’s insight, or personal shortcoming tweet or status. It was just me and the beast.

It was just me. Myself. And I.

I live in a small bungalo on the Eastern End of Long Island. Still recovering from a wallop with life, and trying to train my feet and legs to stand again, I find myself completely isolated with this experiment. If anyone was curious about what the Artist Way is really about. Try it for one week. No reading. No social media. sparing television. This program is designed to be a process.

I can tell you, just from the recent happenings during this experiment and the changes in my life that have been occurring since I’ve started this journey… Miss Cameron is leading me through a process that is not only recovering my artist within me, but also helping me transform into the person my full potential is capable of becoming. It is a miraculous journey. From ugly duckling to swan. From catepilliar to butterfly. My metamorphisis.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~Steve Jobs


“A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind,” Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

To my readers… sorry for the gap in posts. Personal issues needed to be dealt with.

 

This week in the Artist’s way is dedicated to recovering a sense of power. Through understanding Anger, shame, and fear we are able to guide our Artist’s to things that are important to our growth.

“Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. it lets us see where we’ve been and lets us know when, we haven’t liked it. Anger points the way, not just the finger. In the recovery of a blocked artist, anger is a sign of Health” ~ Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way, pg 73.

Anger is something that I personally have a difficult time with. I don’t like anger, because as a young child I was exposed to its raw extreme: rage. I vowed as a child to never be angry, to never turn into those who raged on around me. This chapter, this week in the way is bound to stir lose some of those things that I try not to think about.

So let’s raise a glass and share a toast. To going to those deep, dark, creepy places and rescuing the inner artist child! And to those moments of synchronicity that, if realized and accepted as such, allow us to continuing on our wandering path!

Ciao my loves,

Kris


“Pain throws your heart to the ground, Love turns the whole thing around, fear is a friend whose misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good.” ~ <3 John Mayer <3

I have come to the end of the first week of the Artist’s Way. I’ve enjoyed this week immensely. As if creatively I am freed I find myself beginning to tromp around familiar mental ground that I have not visited in some time. My philosophical curiosity is back at an all time high, and I feel more spiritual than I have in months.

I sit at my desk staring out at the cold winter world outside my window. The way the trees look against the sky, the way the fallen leaves lay on the ground, the plastic snowflakes my mother hung on the window as decoration all speak to me. It may seem silly, but it makes me feel filled with warmth. I feel connected once more to the world around me and it is a wonderful feeling. More importantly, I feel more connected to myself, that beautiful little girl who fell in love with the world around her. The little girl who loved the smaller universes hiding beneath rocks, and the bigger universe sung in the stars.

It feels good to be here, to be present, to be in the now. It feels good to feel like an artist, a philosopher, to feel human. If you ever get to read this, Thank you Julia Cameron for introducing my eyes to the familiar way I seemed to have lost.

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment” ~Lao Tzu

And thank you to the Great Creator for allowing me to connect to you once more.

To all who read this. Namaste.

Peace,
Kris



“…The great teacher inspires”~William Arthur Ward

Assignment #4: Hall of Champions

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” ~William Arthur Ward

The Creative Champion Hall of Fame
(an induction ceremony)

Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to host the first ever Induction ceremony to the Hall of champions! The inductees are both intelligent and love giving individuals who would make any artist proud to have known them. A relative, a mentor, a teacher–three individuals who have not only inspired this artist to creative new heights but have also supported her on her mission to create and inspire the world. Without any further ado let the ceremony begin.

To the late Edward King, though unable to attend in physical presence, may his spiritual being accept this honor wherever he may roam. It seems like only yesterday when we first met, though twenty-three years have passed. I still remember the first time you laid eyes on me. Though only an infant the warmth you held in your eyes as you held my wriggling newborn body still flows through my veins. I am part of you and I carry this legacy on with the greatest of prides. The words you spoke over me, part of my imaginative memory, have been told to me through out my life. “She is wise. She is special. She is capable of great things.” Your cancer ridden body, near death, sensed something great within me. Dear grandfather, it is with pride that you are the first inducted to my creative well-being. You sensed the greatness within me, and knowing that keeps me journeying toward the greatness you beheld. You are with me every step of the way and it is because of you my pen name bears your family name. Wherever you are, I hope that you are proud of me. Every day I walk with the light I first found in your eyes. I will not let you down, because in essence to let you down is to let myself down. May your words be a prophecy of sorts as I continue on this journey, and may your spirit always be there to guide me and envelop me in warmth and love, especially in times of hardship and darkness. Thank you for being the first to hold me and for showering me with love and light from your sea-faring eyes. I love you. Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for the late Edward King.

The next inductee came to me in the troublesome times of my middle school youth. Carefully watching our fifth grade snack time production of the Wizard of Oz, a script we collectively wrote from memory, you carefully took in our performances. You noted that my cowardly lion performance was a creative and talented endeavor. A few years later, I found myself sitting in your English class, eager to learn and grow. You recognized my talent for interpretation and deep thinking. You pushed me to audition for my very first play, your production of “Our Town.” Never will I forget climbing that ladder and not pretending to be, but actually being Rebecca Gibbs, the little girl enthralled with the great wide universe. Over the next few years you groomed me for acting school. You picked me up when my self-confidence would start to sink. You kept me going, even though I wanted to quit. Because of you, I was able to see my very first written play be put into production. Because of you I am able to say I am an artist. Thank you for being the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, and the man who filled my father’s vacant shoes. Without you, my life would have gone in a completely different direction. I know this now, and I thank you for the direction you chose to push me in. Thank you Mr. Minutello, from the very depth of my depthless artistic heart. Ladies and Gentlemen, the man who is responsible for my creative self-worth!

Last but not least, to the teacher who found me sitting in her creative writing classroom. Still a psychology major at the time, I bit my lip when you asked if any of us wanted to be a writer. I had wanted to be a writer but I had given up the belief I would ever be able to do so. After our first assignment, a poem about a life changing moment in our lives, you came to me before class started and handed me my poem with a long letter attached. It was the first letter of praise I had ever received, and I still have it to this day. You encouraged me to seek out publication, the kind of publication that begin writers careers. You told me I had talent. You were impressed with each of my poems, you fell in love with my short story, and you encouraged my writing every day. You helped make each poem better. You walked down to the chair of the department and spoke endlessly of my talent and creativity. You made me well-known to all of the professors of the English department, a fact I learned once I changed my major and found that they already knew of me. Because of you my faith was restored in my writing potential. Thank You Jessica Williams. Becuase of you I found the courage to disagree with my father’s harsh criticisms and pursue my dream of being a writer, openly. You said to me “You don’t have to become a writer darlin, you already are.” Words that will be with me for a long time to come. Thank you again. Ladies and Gentlemen, the teacher who inspired me to follow my dream!

To my inductees, I am proud to add you to my hall of champions. You bring a smile to my face whenever I think of you. You are what I fall back on when my confidence begins to diminish and my hopes and aspirations seem futile. You are my safety net. I hear your voices, I see the hope in your eyes, and once again I am alright to stand and continue on in this journey. Thank you for being part of my life. Thank you for being my creative inspiration. And most importantly, thank you for pushing me toward a life full of creativity and art.

 


“My Outer Child is Holding my Inner Child Hostage”

“Remember, your artist is a child. Find and protect that child. Learning to let yourself create is like learning to walk. The artist child must begin by crawling. Baby steps will follow and there will be falls–yecchy first paintings, beginning films that will look like unedited home movies, first poems that would shame a greeting card.” ~ The Artist’s Way – pg 44

I’ve already discovered that the best of my creative abilities come from the remembrance of my inner child–the adventurous and curious child of my earlier youth– as my earlier post would indicate. Walking along this journey I have come to realize to realize that my inner child has suffered many blows and for a while was hiding in the corner of the creative crevice in my mind. I am taking steps to protect and love that child. I take her to empty rooms in my mind and let her explore. I treat her to long walks, and silent moments in nature. I let her play with my niece and nephew, allowing her imagination to take reign and revel in the laughter of the my niece and nephew’s laughter. I push her to be strong. I tell her continually how much I love her, reminding her how beautiful she really is.

We all have that inner child within us. It is the excitement we experience when we see a cool new toy that we wished we had growing up. It is the joy of coloring in a coloring book and the smell of crayons, even though we are “too” old to do so.  When we hurt, when we are scared, our inner child is begging for relief, for security, for protection. It makes me wonder how many of us are truly in tuned with the inner child.

Children are naturally happy. Their imagination is their greatest asset in guarding them from the demons of the adult world. Children view the world with wonder. New toys, the rain, the first snowfall ignites a fire inside of them. Oh if only we could taste that snowflake on our tongues!

My outer child is holding my inner-child hostage” ~Anonymous

So I ask you… are you holding your inner-child hostage? Or do you allow him or her to explore the world around them with wonder, magic, and love?

Peace,

Kris


“…armed with nothing but their own vision.”

Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. ~ Ayn Rand

I am taking the first step. I have a vision, a dream that I must chase, catch up to, and run along with. Every week you can expect new material. Different assignments given to me from the Artist’s Way. Journey with me?

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Today’s Assignment is a prompt. A thank you letter to someone who has helped you along your creative way. Let me know what you think of my choice!

Hope you enjoy!

Peace, Kris


“Every Journey begins with a single step”

Hey all,

So sorry for the delay in my posts. I have had a little bit of a set back in the world of creativity and my ever too fast mind. My book is coming along. I’ve finished the draft for my prologue. I started the first chapter, and have developed a new narration style that I think will really take the story places! I am excited. Contrary to my norm, I’m actually confident that a masterpiece will be born 🙂

In the meantime, I decided I wanted to change-up my blog a little. I want to make it that I post daily, and to do so I need incentive, or at least something that will keep me up to date. I’ve decided to go back to the first chapter of The Artist’s way, by Julia Cameron. The book is a wonderful and a means to unleash the inner creative soul. Each day I will take part in a writing assignment and post it. I’ll use this blog to track my process.

Wandering the way, journeying the Artist’s way. 🙂

I feel good and in a better state of mind.
Wish me luck!

Peace,
Kris


“Every child is an artist. The Problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” Pablo Picaso

What a week! I spent most of the week at my sister’s house, helping around the house (folding laundry, playing/babysitting the niece and nephew, and cleaning up at the end of the night). It was a nice reprieve and kept my mind a little occupied and away from negative thinking that I am normally prone to. It also gave me a little time to flex my creative muscles as I played with the kids. Thier imaginations are strong and we easily get carried away into a world of make believe. I absolutely love it!

At the end of the week I made a trip out to the nearest book store and picked up a few reading materials. I recently finished Breakfast with Buddha, by Roland Merullo. It was a fantastic book with wonderful insight and many laugh out loud moments. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to know what an everyday joe schmo can do to incorporate a spiritual life to their every day way of life.

At the book store I picked up Me Talk Pretty One Day, by Greg Sedaris. Can’t wait to start it. I also picked up The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron. It is a 12 week program to unleash the creative spirit and turning creativity into a spiritual practice. It was recommended to me by someone who has ultimately changed my life for the better. Dina, if you’re reading, thank you.

This week’s assignment is Recovering a sense of safety. In addition to the weekly artist’s date and daily Morning Pages, the focus is to acknowledge the little nagging inner censor and identifying where, when, and by whom the seeds of this irksome voice were planted. Like weeds, we want to pull the voice out at its root and open up the creative passageways and clear the blockage. I am hopeful and take the assignment seriously.

I will let you know how it goes!

As always thank you for stopping by!
Peace,
Kris